This Isn't A Pet Blog, I Swear

But it seems that way this week.

Because, today, I think the powers that be were laughing behind my back as they said to each other, "HAHAHA, why does this crazy woman have so many pets? We'll show her!"

All I wanted to do was vacuum the living room, I swear.

See, my German Shepherd is a bit of a chicken. The guy that had her before me used to beat her with a belt buckle (lousy bastard) and so now, she's super submissive. As in, she will pee if you raise your voice at her, or if she thinks she's in trouble. It's the doggy way of saying, "You're the boss! Please don't hurt me!" Which yea, I'm sorry she's had a traumatic past and all, but an 80 pound dog wee-weeing when you look at her cross eyed gets tiresome after a while.


She's also scared of the vacuum, and while the cats and the little pup are small enough to hide under chairs and tables and whatnot, her fat ass doesn't have anywhere to scamper to. I usually try to let her outside before I get to her side of the room, but I was in a rush this morning, and decided just this once would be fine.

Oh no.

I get within about 5 feet of her and she tries to rocket past me to go who knows where, and I just know she's going to leap onto my laptop that's sitting open on the couch (O brain? Where art thou today?) so I grab her collar. Of course she thinks the vacuum is trying to eat her, so she spins around, knocks the vacuum over, whereupon the canister comes flying off, whereupon the fuckin' thing starts shrieking like all the demons of hell, whereupon she pees ALL OVER MY FOOT.

80 pound dogs pee A LOT.

Today is not looking good.


Rachel said...

LMAO!!!! My german shepard did the same thing, just not on me.

Anonymous said...

Oh. Oh. We have one of those stupid traumatized dogs, too. I hope the day got better.

Catwoman said...

well, after gallons of pee on your foot, the day couldn't possibly have gotten worse, right? RIGHT???