Oh my goodness, Jerk From Craigslist, next time you try to sell something to someone, maybe you shouldn't be such a damn prick about it, and then abruptly send me a shitty e-mail telling me you're selling it to someone else. Get over yourself.
And seriously, I feel safer with a gun in the house. Until all the Anti-gun people can figure out exactly how they're going to take the guns away from all the criminals as well as the law abiding citizens so that we aren't left unarmed in a sea of violent idiots, then they can quit trying to guilt trip me for having one.
Oh, pup, quit stepping in your own poo. For it is indeed disgusting. And the people who see me outside wiping your paws on the grass are giving me weird looks.
Child of mine! WHY must you make such noises, as though you are the creepy girl from The Ring, when I am watching horror movies in the dark? Please don't.
Hey cable company! I love Mythbusters! I love Scrubs! I love Mash! Please give me a channel where I can watch these shows all day.
Must I now turn to Huckabee as an alternative to McCain? It seems so.
We now return you to your regularly scheduled programming.
2.12.2008
2.09.2008
This Isn't A Pet Blog, I Swear
But it seems that way this week.
Because, today, I think the powers that be were laughing behind my back as they said to each other, "HAHAHA, why does this crazy woman have so many pets? We'll show her!"
All I wanted to do was vacuum the living room, I swear.
See, my German Shepherd is a bit of a chicken. The guy that had her before me used to beat her with a belt buckle (lousy bastard) and so now, she's super submissive. As in, she will pee if you raise your voice at her, or if she thinks she's in trouble. It's the doggy way of saying, "You're the boss! Please don't hurt me!" Which yea, I'm sorry she's had a traumatic past and all, but an 80 pound dog wee-weeing when you look at her cross eyed gets tiresome after a while.
Anyway.
She's also scared of the vacuum, and while the cats and the little pup are small enough to hide under chairs and tables and whatnot, her fat ass doesn't have anywhere to scamper to. I usually try to let her outside before I get to her side of the room, but I was in a rush this morning, and decided just this once would be fine.
Oh no.
I get within about 5 feet of her and she tries to rocket past me to go who knows where, and I just know she's going to leap onto my laptop that's sitting open on the couch (O brain? Where art thou today?) so I grab her collar. Of course she thinks the vacuum is trying to eat her, so she spins around, knocks the vacuum over, whereupon the canister comes flying off, whereupon the fuckin' thing starts shrieking like all the demons of hell, whereupon she pees ALL OVER MY FOOT.
80 pound dogs pee A LOT.
Today is not looking good.
Because, today, I think the powers that be were laughing behind my back as they said to each other, "HAHAHA, why does this crazy woman have so many pets? We'll show her!"
All I wanted to do was vacuum the living room, I swear.
See, my German Shepherd is a bit of a chicken. The guy that had her before me used to beat her with a belt buckle (lousy bastard) and so now, she's super submissive. As in, she will pee if you raise your voice at her, or if she thinks she's in trouble. It's the doggy way of saying, "You're the boss! Please don't hurt me!" Which yea, I'm sorry she's had a traumatic past and all, but an 80 pound dog wee-weeing when you look at her cross eyed gets tiresome after a while.
Anyway.
She's also scared of the vacuum, and while the cats and the little pup are small enough to hide under chairs and tables and whatnot, her fat ass doesn't have anywhere to scamper to. I usually try to let her outside before I get to her side of the room, but I was in a rush this morning, and decided just this once would be fine.
Oh no.
I get within about 5 feet of her and she tries to rocket past me to go who knows where, and I just know she's going to leap onto my laptop that's sitting open on the couch (O brain? Where art thou today?) so I grab her collar. Of course she thinks the vacuum is trying to eat her, so she spins around, knocks the vacuum over, whereupon the canister comes flying off, whereupon the fuckin' thing starts shrieking like all the demons of hell, whereupon she pees ALL OVER MY FOOT.
80 pound dogs pee A LOT.
Today is not looking good.
2.08.2008
Haiku Friday Pt. 2
Tiny little pup
You are smarter than I thought
Always poop outside
So far no chewing
Except on the other dog
She is sick of you
Don't go over there
Do you not hear me calling
Now I have to run
No you still can't go
Quit trying to go 'round me
I block you with foot
Tiny little pup
I think I found your one flaw
Stubborn little shit
To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:
1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.
2. Sign the Mister Linky at the above link with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn’t go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina.
3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.
2.07.2008
So...What Country Should I Move To?
Well, Americans have spoken.
Evidently a great many of Ron Paul's supporters are great at clicking a mouse, leaving rude comments on news sites, and text messaging their asses off, but when it comes down to actually tearing themselves away from their computers and go out to vote...not so much.
Evidently it's all well and good to howl and scream about liberty and freedom and the constitution on some message board, but when he actually needs you to stand up and be counted...well folks, you let him down.
Big time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the fact of the matter is that Ron's pretty much finished. He's still running a distant fourth. He didn't do well on Super Tuesday. Face the facts, guys-he's not gonna be president.
So.
It looks as though I need to start looking into a new place to win, because, seriously? McCain? No. This guy is basically Bush part 2. Romney? Basically, when it boils down to it, he's the same as McCain. 90% of their policies are the same. I really don't know what these guys find to bicker so much about.
Whatever.
And don't get me started on Obama or Hillary. I want a president with some freakin' political experience, thanks, and one with a decent game plan that doesn't consist of just yelling about how he will change everything and then not having any specifics to give about said mysterious change. And I refuse to vote for someone whom I do not agree with on anything, purely on the basis of her having a vagina. Sorry, feminists.
Plus I'm just way too conservative to vote democrat.
I'm upset. This was the first time in my life that I've ever felt excited, really giddy and excited, about a presidential candidate. I really felt like Paul could bring this country out of its slump and get us going uphill again.
But I guess Americans are too stuck in their ways. Change? Oh, change is scary. We don't want that. We want someone that will SAY he's going to change stuff, but not actually change anything, cuz yea, we'd rather just sit here while our country collapses around our ears then actually have to deal with things being a little different. Freedom? Taking care of ourselves? Who needs that? Let's just let the government tell us what to do and wipe our asses and hey, if they want to read our e-mails and restrict our freedoms in the process, who cares?
So, what countries are nice? I like Ireland. Or maybe Scotland. Canada, maybe? Catwoman, your blog title is so totally me right now, cuz I'm totally thinking Canadian Thoughts In Texas.
I like Australia, but good grief, too many deadly things live there.
Sigh.
I'm so sad.
Evidently a great many of Ron Paul's supporters are great at clicking a mouse, leaving rude comments on news sites, and text messaging their asses off, but when it comes down to actually tearing themselves away from their computers and go out to vote...not so much.
Evidently it's all well and good to howl and scream about liberty and freedom and the constitution on some message board, but when he actually needs you to stand up and be counted...well folks, you let him down.
Big time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the fact of the matter is that Ron's pretty much finished. He's still running a distant fourth. He didn't do well on Super Tuesday. Face the facts, guys-he's not gonna be president.
So.
It looks as though I need to start looking into a new place to win, because, seriously? McCain? No. This guy is basically Bush part 2. Romney? Basically, when it boils down to it, he's the same as McCain. 90% of their policies are the same. I really don't know what these guys find to bicker so much about.
Whatever.
And don't get me started on Obama or Hillary. I want a president with some freakin' political experience, thanks, and one with a decent game plan that doesn't consist of just yelling about how he will change everything and then not having any specifics to give about said mysterious change. And I refuse to vote for someone whom I do not agree with on anything, purely on the basis of her having a vagina. Sorry, feminists.
Plus I'm just way too conservative to vote democrat.
I'm upset. This was the first time in my life that I've ever felt excited, really giddy and excited, about a presidential candidate. I really felt like Paul could bring this country out of its slump and get us going uphill again.
But I guess Americans are too stuck in their ways. Change? Oh, change is scary. We don't want that. We want someone that will SAY he's going to change stuff, but not actually change anything, cuz yea, we'd rather just sit here while our country collapses around our ears then actually have to deal with things being a little different. Freedom? Taking care of ourselves? Who needs that? Let's just let the government tell us what to do and wipe our asses and hey, if they want to read our e-mails and restrict our freedoms in the process, who cares?
So, what countries are nice? I like Ireland. Or maybe Scotland. Canada, maybe? Catwoman, your blog title is so totally me right now, cuz I'm totally thinking Canadian Thoughts In Texas.
I like Australia, but good grief, too many deadly things live there.
Sigh.
I'm so sad.
2.03.2008
Thriller Lizards
Because, you know, the best reason to watch the Superbowl is the commercials...and I frickin' love this one.
2.02.2008
What Have I Done?
Oh lord, people, what did I do?
The housetraining, the chewing....
But just look at those eyes...and she was an orphan...can I use the excuse of it being maternal instinct?
Yea, that sounds good to me.
It had nothing to do with the floppy ears, the wee little paws, the teensy nose...
Nope, not at all.
2.01.2008
Haiku Friday!
watching Lost again
don't know what is going on
might have a stroke now
dance of rage on couch
what could be wrong with mama
Lost is now over.
what is smoke monster
who is ghost man in cabin
so many questions
while I sleep in peace
cats destroy the house with glee
why bounce off my head?
dog sits over there
airborne fur floats gently by
how is dog not bald?
To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:
1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.
2. Sign the Mister Linky at the above link with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn’t go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina.
3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.
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